10:36 PM |
Its been a long day. Theres so much going on in my head that it amazes me that my head doesent crack wide open. Freak. I realise how often i ve been blogging about unhappy stuff. Rarely about anything good. Whenever i think of the other people out there, who have bigger problems like worrying about when their next meal is going to be, and here i am. Comfortably sitting in my own home. Whining about insignificant childish stuff. Screw it.
I'm really turning cynical i think. Seesh. This isn the first time its happened. Someone who i really trusted and thought of as a friend, turns around and bites me back. Hah. People who i thought were 'best friends' turns out that I am nothing more than a classmate to them.People who i trust and tell everything to turns around to backstab me. Makes me wonder everytime now, when someone tells me somthing, even a close friend, what are they really thinking about me making me doubt whatever they say.I just dont learn do I? I tell myself i'll never trust anyone too much again everytime this happens, but end up doing that very thing. And the cycle goes on and on. Oh gullible naive me. Why cant i learn.I wonder if they are just being nice to me for the sake of being nice. Am i really that dispised? That pathetic? I much rather you tell me in the face, what you really think about me rather than avoid me or be nice to me when deep down, you hate me to the core or simply think im pathetic.Ironic isnt it? How i always judge people when they whine and complain about childish stuff like this, yet im exactly like that too.
Crap, results are tmr. If i dont make it to top 30. I'll kill myself. (not literally of course) Oh, and Grace? Thanks for being there when i needed to talk.Really, thanks.