1:15 PM |
Wait. I know what made me do it. It's exactly one year ago. Oh fuck.
6th September 2006.
I had judo that night and we spent the day together, you came with me for judo and told me I looked like a ninja with my hair tied and in my judo outfit. We took a cab home together, both sweaty and stinky. You, because you helped moved the mats upstairs. Me , well because I played that night. You watched us, it didn't bore you.I was slightly upset because my friend had taken a slight fancy to you, but I tried to smile and hold back tears and pushed you to her.I don't know what happened that night. But I called you, and asked:' If there were an exact clone of me, would you like her?' You said no and my heart sank, but then you added it was because she wasn't me in terms of personality.I asked you if she was, would you like her? You said yes.I fell off the bed in pure bliss, literally. I couldn't stop laughing and yelled at Jody on msn in my joy.I went to school the next day grinning like an idiot.I gossiped with Wei yuan about you. I told her all about you. I couldn't stop smiling.
I remember it all,September 17 how we used to sit outside the library on the stairs in the corner with coffee while I ranted on and on about what I belived. How I made you the tiniest crane I ve made in my whole life and gave it to you. And in return you gave me a straw heart.I remember that we hugged that day. And I drew a smilie on space above your ear, and a face on every finger and told you not to rub it off and go for tuition like that. I drew a turtle on your palm also. I remember how you held my hand in the bus on our way back to Singapore. How we passed notes to each other cause the adults were sleeping. It was raining and we watched final destination 3 on the bus. You held my hand through that space between the window and the seat throughout the entire journey across the causeway till we reached.
I even remember what I thought of you when I first saw you. How I sat in front of you and fell asleep, bumping my head against the window again and again until we reached the rest stop. How I complained about it to you, which at that time was some sort of miraculous feat as I still had an immense fear of boys. How you taught me to ice skate while I screamed bloody murder in your ears. How we went shopping together in Sunway, how we went for dinner with my family at a German restaurant with dishes with weird names. How you held my hand under the table. How I fell asleep that night with your image in my head.How I believed that it was too good to be true and was quite convinced that you did this to all the girls and it was your way of showing friendship. How you told me I was pretty that night. Something I never EVER believed I was, much less expect a boy to say it to me.
How I got jealous at first when you were so close to another girl, and how I couldn't find the guts to say hello.
I remember. I remember it all.And the reason I'm blogging it all out. Is because I NEVER. EVER want to forget.
I was 13, and in absolute bliss.
Oh freak I remember it all. Sometimes I think God gave me a terrible memory for a reason, and at times like now, I truly appreciate it.The only drawback is that memories start building like snow on a cliff, enfluging me in an avalanch on the slightest provacation when I least expect it.Leaving me underneath it all to cry over it.