6:17 PM |
I don't need this. Not now especially.
This is precisely why I LIKE to keep the world an arm's length away because crap happens when they get too close.I don't like people being too close most of the time, be it physically or physiologically, it's just the way I am. Which is more often than not the reason I act way I do, especially with the people I love and those who love me. I push my friends away quite a lot sometimes. In fact, I've always been this way somewhat, when I was younger, I used to be called touch-me-not by my relatives because I hated being held by others and cried.I do not like people being too close, it intimidates me somewhat, especially if it is physiologically. I hate this sometimes, even get annoyed at others for not understanding this. I liked my personal space and will sometimes turn offensive if it is invaded.
The physiological thing came about later on I suppose, after I realised that it was never wise to fully open up to the others. Sure I can confide in them, but I would most likely never tell them what I'm truly thinking. I tried once, but look what happened.
Often I feel bad for reacting the way I do when these things happen, and believe me it is inevitable. But I usually act before I think most of the time. At least now I try to cool down first, before I say anything I regret.
I told you what I truly felt. You asked me to. What did you expect me to do? Lie to you?Me and him, we're somewhat similar.I now know why he did what he did, and what went went through his mind a year ago. Talk about stuff coming back to haunt you.This is precisely why I hate people penetrating the bubble I keep around me, especically when it comes to matters of the heart. Because things get complicated, hearts start breaking and I feel like crap for being the cause of it. Yet I can't help it, doing the things I do, making me feel worse isn't going to solve the problem.I'm only going turn more offensive and feel worse later on, its a helluva vicious cycle and trust me, you do not want to push me there.